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It’s Valentine’s Day and all the men are scrambling to buy gifts. Some men don’t have the money to get all the things his old lady asked for this holiday. To those men I say to you “Chill, I have a solution.” First you must remind her of the reason for the season and it’s about love and not gifts. That should get you out of buying some things. Second write a list of sentimental things to such as a foot massage, doing the dishes, taking care of the kids ect. Things like this really show a woman you care and you didn’t have to buy it. Third, it’s this store called The Dollar Tree. Go there and buy the bags of artificial rose pedals, 2 candles, some bubble bath and a blank card so you can put only your feelings in the card.

Now you have everything in place to have the best cheap yet super Valentine’s Day. Step #1 use the rose pedals, candles and bubble bath for that candle lit bath that you are going to make for your baby. After a bubble bath woman are so vulnerable and clean so it’s safe to eat up. Step #2 put that card you bought in the room on the bed. This should set you up for some good head and round number 2. Now think back to all the arguments that yall may have had and write in this card all the thing she says you never tell her, or say to her, or give her credit for, or appreciates her for I can go all day but you see where I’m going? After she reads that it’s going to be on again.

I gotcha 2 nuts in one night if you want more than that you on your own cause I’ll be sleep!

Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year to find out where you stand in your special person’s life. If you are told that you and your special person will celebrate this day the day before or the days after chances are you are the side ho! First of all this is one of those days that have to be celebrated on this day, this is not your birthday that fell on Tuesday and you go to the club on Friday to celebrate. If you have read that and still believe you are the main chick let me just say “You Stupid!”

If on Valentine’s day your man wants to stay home so he can cook you a special meal, he is probably cheating on you and doesn’t want to get caught, or maybe he is cheap as hell, or just maybe he wants a direct route to the bed room so he can rock your world all night long! Trust me it’s one of the three.

Ladies if your period comes on February 14 of any year you are going to have to get very good at giving head and you may want to consider swallowing, ball juggling, tea bagging and tossing salad, because a man that’s not getting any pussy on Valentine’s Day and has a girl friend might be a little pissed. And no we don’t understand!

Valentine’s Day in my opinion is a day that you show your loved ones how much you care about them. For some reason the dumb ass that came up with this holiday I’m sure he or she is the worst person to be in a relationship with if they had to create a day to love. I think I love every damn day and it shows in that new purse you bought in April with my credit card all just because you liked it. What about this high ass light bill I pay every damn month and you control the damn thermostat turn up the heat because you cold, but I’m hot as hell you need to go grab some COVER! Valentine’s Day is a stupid holiday if you ask me but buying dinner, a gift and coming home and doing some freaky shit at the end of the night ain’t that bad.

Happy Valentine’s Day! To all my side chicks, boyfriends and girlfriends #2 and 3 know you position and respect the game.

The big titty bandits!

These two women were caught shop lifting out of T.J.Max. They stole 4 pair of boots, 3 pair of jeans, a wallet and some gloves. I guess it was getting cold and they need some new outfits to hit the club. When the police searched them they found all of these items under their titties(breast). What the hell!!? So I started thinking “How big were their titties?” I’m thinking them titties are huge! Them titties so big she be walking kicking her nipples at the same time. I mean them titties so big they could have stole a washing machine and a dryer! I don’t feel sorry for them though. Having something as special as huge tittes is amazing and they should have used their talents in a different way. Like instead of stealing new clothes for the club they could have tried to sponsor a bar-b-que. They could have hidden chicken wings, a bag of leg quarters, a slab of ribs, a pan of peach cobbler, a bushel of collards and a gallon of sweet tea under them big ass tittes and tried to do something positive. I’m just saying!

We have to save our children.

The other day I was spending time with my kids and I took them to Burger King on the southside. A 12 year old child that I don’t know brushed against me almost knocking me down. I looked at the young man and said “Excuse me buddy! You almost knocked me down.” He turned to me and said “Fuck you! Watch where you are walking!” At this moment I started walking at a fast pace toward the child. Before I got to him he held up his shirt and said “What!” I saw a gun and replied ” Abosolutley nothing Sir! Matter of fact I’m sorry for running into you sir. I’m sorry sir.” Here I am 32 years old saying sir to a 12 year old, SMH.

I found out the child was the son of a friend of mine named Kilo. So I told Kilo what his son had done. He laughed and said ” Yea man I didn’t raise no punks!” My response was ” What the hell!!?”

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